Wachagga defined

There is no Chagga tribe but just different groups of people living on the southern slopes of Mount of Kilimanjaro with the following characteristics:

WAMACHAME (Business entrepreneurs) Huwezi kujua nani mwanamke na ni nani mwanaume. Kila kitu ni pesa. Yaani hata kama ni mkeo wa ndoa inakuwa hivi “kama hutoi pesa ya mbege ndoa yangu sikupi babangu” Basi kule Machame chakula cha ndoa au nimesemaje? Kufanya mapenzi ni kwa kipimo. Ukiwa katikati mama anakwambia STOOOOOOP! Hapo shilingi Elfu 20 zako ndio zimekwisha; Ukitaka ongezandio uendelee. Yahye, unasikia nasema MKE WA NDOA! Wamachame hao! Uchumba tu, lazima upeleke Kapati la mbeho!

WAKIBOSHO (Specialized bandits) Mama akiwa anapiga soga na mwenziwe utawasikia hivi”Yaani Dadangu, we acha tu yule Alex wangu siku hisi amepefuka kweli; Ana akili we acha tu! Haibi tena mfukoni siku hisi, ameunda kundi lake la ujambasi, Krisimasi hii lasima nitaletewa fitenge file fya Kongo. Binti naye, AKIOLEWA NA KYASAKA, baba na mama wanamwambia ” Hivi wewe huyu mwanaume kwani ni ndugu yako ? Leta hizo pesa sake tujengee huku kwetu Manka!!

WAURU (The Elites)Very boring people, wakikaa ni kuongea kuhusu shule tuuuuuuuuu, masomo, digrii. Yaani yukanoti bilivu! Babu wa miaka 70 bado madaftari yake ya primary ameweka sandukuni!! Atawaonyesha wajukuu zake wote: “Ona hand writing yangu ilivyokuwa nzuri wakati nafundishwa na Father Wilson Payatt. Wanakumbuka majina ya waalimu wao hasa wazungu tangu chekechea.Uzuri wao, wanamwogopa sana Mungu. Kengele ya KANISANI ikilia saa sita mchana utaona wazee wote kilabuni wanaamka na kusali sala ya mchana ndio wanaendelea kunywa mbege.Wanapenda maparachichi hao! We acha tu!!

WA OLD MOSHI (The Mechanics)!Actually Mama Mkapa ni beauty Queen kule kwao. Yaani mimi sisemi we nenda kachague mwenyewe.Taabu, Wanaume ni wabishi! Kama mkia wa mbuzi!Wanakunywa kisusio hata cha Nguruwe!! Na Gongonyingiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii (Wenyewe waita Crysta-pen!)

WAMARANGU (The handsome liars)!Wanaume wote ni waongo. Actually kuna somola “jinsi ya kudanganya” shule zote za primary kule Marangu. Both wanaume na Wanawake maisha ni raha tupu.Kwa Mmarangu halisi, kwanza ananunua gari, anachapamaisha, nae kulala kwenye gari wakati kodi ya nyumbainamshinda ni jambo la kawaida.

WAROMBO: (The salesmen)!Kazi mtindo mmoja! Hawana tofauti ni kuruti wa Jeshi!Wanawake tunawaita “KUBOTA” aina ya matrekta waliyosambazwa Kilimanjaro na Wajapani miaka ya 1970. Watafutaji wa pesa!!!! We acha tu. Wahindi hawaoni ndani!Lakini ukimchezea anakuua na kukimbilia Kenya kupitia Tarakea.Ushauri wa bure! Rafiki yangu uamue mwenyewe lakini kwa ushaurimwepesi mwepesi nenda Uru (wasomi) au Rombo (wachapakazi). Chaguo ni lako.

Adam Lusekelo: Good governance in Tanzania?

I spent a great morning at the Chuo Kikuu yesterday. I had accepted an invitation, not to get drunk in some wedding ceremony, but to participate in a seminar on good governance.
 
That was much more stimulating than getting pissed in some wedding ceremony. The seminar was opened by the baby-faced Minister of State in the President’s Office, Hawa Abdulrahman Ghasia.
 
She started by saying something about politics in Bongo should not be about winner take all. I wondered whether she was thinking about Zenj.
 
Hawa added that the government and the opposition should not regard each other as enemies. Instead their relationship should be complementary. In my mind’s eye  I could see Zenj again.
 
She wanted Bongo to be a meritocracy. Fine. She could say that, but what we have here is another kind of ‘cracy’. It is called ‘mshikajicracy!
 
Her ladyship insisted that there must accountability and punishment for public and private individuals  for corruption.
 
The cheeky cynic might say that accountabily and and punishment like the red-carpet punishment meted out in Monduli and ‘Bariadi Vijisenti’ constituency.
 
She revealed that 37 per cent of Africa’s money has been salted abroad by African thieves. Suddenly my mind started travelling to the beautiful off-shore island of Jersey in Britain. There is good governance for you!
 
Then came in othere presentations. the first was Prof Sam Mushi of the University of Dar. He hardly saw some ‘good governance’ in the first place.
 
Power breeds arrogance the professor lectured  us. I started wondering – was he also thinking about Zenj?
 
I remember the earth shaking speech from the Zanzibar prez: “If they want to come to drink tea with me they must first recognise me as the greatest tea-maker in the Spice Islands!”  
 
Anyway, back to the seminar on good governance. Good governance? Scoffed Prof Mushi – why should a minister travel first class?
 
Not only minister, but deputy ministers, PSs and commissioners. When the prez travels he is accompanied by a battalion of aides, assorted officials and hangers-on. That is tax-payers’ money, for heaven’s sake! You can hardly call that ‘good governance’
 
The Prof talked about the endless seminars, warshas, kongamanos and meetings. If you call that good governance I call it ‘ulaji’.
 
 He insisted that public offices should never be defiled. In Britain if you are caught with your pants down or skirt up, busy at it in the office, you are kicked out.
 
You have to go. Not in Bongo. The man is praised that he is ‘sharp’ and the woman simply dismissed as some   cheap ‘zanga’.
 
Prof. Mushi  concluded by observing that in Bongo politics is a growth industry. The Bunge sounds like it is full of  who is whom in academia. It sounds like the \university. But he said that he will stick to the University  of Dar es Salaam.
(to be continued)
mbwene2@yahoo.com

Are you stupid?

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals.
King Kong, an Ape, an Orangutan and a Monkey pass by.
They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the
tree.
Who do you guess will win?
Your answer will reflect your personality.
Think carefully . . . Try and answer within 30 seconds

Got your answer?
Now scroll down to see the analysis.

If your answer is:
Orangutan
= you’re dull & normal
Ape = you’re a moron
Monkey = worse, you’re an idiot
(King Kong = you’re hopelessly stupid
…….
Why?????
A Coconut tree doesn’t have bananas!
Obviously you’re stressed and overworked.
Take some time off and relax!